i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
