I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
