i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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