What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
