i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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