Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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