Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
