You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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