Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
