Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
