Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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