Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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