I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
