you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
