i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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