ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
