Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
