Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were trust falling into bushes
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