yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
