I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
third nipple confirmed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
