I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
