Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
