I have demons in me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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