True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
