I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
