it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
