Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
