Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
