was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
