You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
