party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
