Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
