You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
