I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
