I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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