Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
