Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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