he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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