I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
