We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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