And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
