i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
