I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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