remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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