last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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