Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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