I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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