At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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