Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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