we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
