I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
