I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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